Akatsukitty
by Ika-Sophie
Summary: A sign-kangaroo, a not-god, the akatsuki and two crazy girls. How can this get any weirder? Akatsuki kitten story. Be prepared for a strange plot and outlandish characters. On Hiatus. WIP
1. They're dead!

_Hello! This is my first story and I hope you will like it. I've read numerous Akatsuki Kitty stories but they don't seem that realistic to me. I mean, if you where a fan of them, wouldn't you recognise them for who they are right away? So I decided to make mine a little more realistic. My characters will recognise them instantly (with some help from a certain kangaroo) but they won't mention it until the time calls for it. I mean, who would want a bunch of killers knowing that you know their secrets? To solve the problem of my characters getting killed, I have decided to put a sort of god who rules over the world on guard duty. So this isn't based in the real world, but it is very similar. (The school system is different. I'm not sure if this school system exists anywhere in the world, but it exists in this world.) The not-god will be stepping in to stop anyone getting killed and will be screwing with their minds. It will own more than one world and may screw with the people who live there but I don't know if It will actually use them for anything. This will be set when Sasuke knows what really happened but before he attacks Danzo. Enjoy!_

Sophie's P.O.V

*beep beep beep*

The alarm clock woke me up as usual on Monday.

*beep beep beep*

"5 more minutes..." I muttered, trying to block out the noise with the pillows. Unfortunately my effort was futile.

*beep beep beep*

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted, throwing the alarm clock at the wall.

"Alarm clock 157 broken... Damn why can't you just click the off button like a normal person!?" That would be Amy, my best friend and cousin. With blonde hair and blue eyes you would have guessed that she wasn't related to me, Sophie, who has black hair and red eyes. Creepy? Maybe. But my appearance and personality can scare people off so I am pretty grateful for it. As the daughter of two wealthy posh business owners I get a lot of unwanted attention.

"Go away I'm going to sleep... wake me up if the zombie apocalypse starts..." I sounded out, voice muffled because of my obsession with pillows and blankets.

"Very funny Sophie. NOW GET THE HELL UP!" Amy shouted. I swear I saw a bird drop dead outside the window from how loud she was. Who knew that was even possible?

"M'kay just let me get my pancakes..." I said sleepily while stifling a yawn.

"I swear your love for pancakes is like Naruto's love for ramen! You should eat some cereal or something. I mean it can't be healthy to just eat pancakes for breakfast every morning!" Amy cried out, shaking my shoulders with anime tears running down her face.

That's the thing about Amy and I. We can be shouting one moment, and be completely happy the next. I'm pretty sure that we are bipolar or something. Not that I'd complain about her though. She is better than any alarm clock that I've had and that's saying something.

I made my way downstairs pouring out the orange juice I'd left on the table. I swiftly made my way to the cupboard where I had shop bought pancakes since both me and Amy suck at cooking. The last time we tried we set water on fire. WATER. After that Amy was banned from cooking in school ever again. It was pretty funny seeing the traumatized look of the teacher though. I've always loved mentally scarring people for life. I think that's why my parents don't really care what happens to me as long as my grades are good...

'Meh who cares about the old hags anyway! Go team Sophie!' my inner self screamed. I could imagine her waving a banner inside my head.

I sat down with my buttered pancakes and orange juice. I've never liked syrup.

"So when do you think the harpies will arrive?" Amy asked, eating her cornflakes.

"Whenever pigs start flying and I start eating cereal." I casually replied while sipping my juice.

"Seriously though. Your parents should have arrived a few hours ago! Since school is off for me due to the snow do you think they could have got caught up in the weather?" Amy asked nibbling her lip. Amy is 17 and decided to stay on at school while I'm 18 and have been homeschooled all my life. Not that I care though.

"Probably. I got a text from my teacher to say she couldn't come today. Although they may have decided to stay in America and forget about us completely." I replied sourly while checking my phone. When Amy was 10 her parents decided to start a company in Canada and we have never seen them since. They are in the newspapers often though.

*ring ring*

"No one phones the house phone unless it is important..." I muttered to myself wondering who the heck had the guts to phone my house. I slowly walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" I asked, my finger running across the scar on my neck.

"Hello is this Sophie?" a voice on the other side of the phone asked. I was frowning now. I did not recognize this voice.

"Yes it is. Why are you calling?" I replied with a question of my own hoping that they would get to the point so I could get back to my pancakes.

"Your parents have had a car crash. Both are dead. I am so sorry for your loss." The voice said with an undertone of sadness. All thoughts of pancakes quickly ran out of my mind. My parents were dead. Amy and I where all alone again. My world was getting squeezed tightly. Sure they where hags but they were still my family...

"I see... thank you for telling me..." I managed to whisper. My hands were shaking and my finger was scratching at my scar, telling Amy something was horribly wrong.

"Your mother's sister is going to take care of the funeral so you don't have to worry about that. Your parents money and belongings now are all owned by you. Their businesses are yours too but you don't have to take care of them as your parents have staff who can run them unless you wanted to sell the businesses of course." The woman then hung up, leaving me to tell Amy what happened.

"My parents...dead..." I mumbled incoherently as I slowly sat on the couch. Amy heard and came over to comfort me.

"Don't worry we still have each other." She whispered soothingly to me like I was a child who had just been told off.

"Yeah... I just can't believe it though... I mean they never loved me but if they ever did they didn't have the chance to tell me..." I muttered, wishing that I was 5 again. Back when I was still innocent and could be happy without wondering if my own parents liked me.

"I'm going out for a walk to sort out my mind. I'll be back soon okay?" I said with a sad smile. I really needed to get out of the house.

"Fine but stay safe okay?" Amy gently murmured stroking one of the many blankets I own.

I said that I would as I made my way to the door but as an afterthought I shouted "Believe it!" while gently shutting the door.

Boss' P.O.V

I sighed, closing my laptop. It really was hard work ruling over a world while you had to make appointments to meet the other gods AND write stories...

"Boss, we are ready to start Operation Akatsukitty. We just need your approval." Said Haruka, one of my many workers.

"Right. Remember to scare the wits out of them!" I shouted laughing manically.

"Ehehe ok boss. I'll go get them... BOSS HAS GONE CRAZY AGAIN! CODE BLUE! CODE BL-!" Anything she was about to say was cut off as there was a hand over her mouth and a kunai to the throat.

"Huh who knew my birthday gift from Jashin would actually be useful for something..." I muttered, inspecting the kunai with an evil grin on my face.

"Should I remind you to do your job? Or do you want to be the one to go test if my pit in the Sparta sector is working?" I whispered, looking like an insane person. Which I probably am.

"Sorry boss! It won't happen again!" Haruka near screamed. Well she would have if I didn't have my hand over her mouth.

"Sure... That's what they all say..." I muttered, seriously peeved that people had to assume I was going to go on a killing spree as soon as I made one wrong face. Haruka mysteriously disappeared and was found dead a week later at the bottom of the Sparta pit.

Akatsuki P.O.V

"Does anyone know what's going on?" Pein asked the group that were before him. (A.N. Yeah right more like demanded or ordered...)

"Well I do." The voice of a young girl was heard behind The Akatsuki. Turning round, they could see a 10 year old sitting on a chair sipping at some milk. She had blonde locks framing her face and brown eyes. Overall, it was a cute sight.

"My boss brought you guys here so I could explain what is going on. As you have probably figured out, most of you died. Zetsu, Kisame Konan and Tobi are the ones who lived. Well... some of you would still have died if we hadn't interfered but still. Back to the main point. I am sending you to another world as cats where two girls are going to help you get back to your human form. Of course, it wouldn't be fun if it were that simple. You see, these girls are bipolar, very untrusting, possibly crazy and their lives have been terrible so far. I won't say what happened, so you'll have to find out yourselves. The one who is going to find you is called Sophie, the other is called Amy. They both know who you are and most of your secrets. I should mention if you try to kill them, we will detain you and make you dance to caramelldansen for 72 hours. Yes we are just that evil. No I am not going to tell you what caramelldansen is. Any questions?" There was an awkward silence after the girl spoke. Everyone was trying to digest what she just said.

"A GAY BABY WAS JUST BORN!" The girl screamed out, earning disturbed looks from the people (A.N. If you could even call some of them that...) in the room.

"What? Boss said every time there is an awkward silence a gay baby is born. Don't ask me how that works but I think someone awesome has been made." (A.N. I like gay people, they tend to be awesome. I honestly don't understand why some people don't like them. If you now have a problem with me and/or my story for liking gay people then you can leave.)

"Who are you and who is your boss?" Konan asked, still getting over the fact that Pein was alive.

"A very sensible question! I am Natsumi and as for my boss? I honestly have no clue. You can just refer to her as boss, all the gods do even though she doesn't hold that much power compared to them. She is liked by them though, probably because she is very sadistic..." Natsumi muttered the last part but it was still heard.

"What did you just say Natsumi?" A voice whispered in her ear. She froze up in shock.

"Ahahaha I was just saying how beautiful you were...yeah..." Natsumi was now sweating bullets.

"Oh god your face! You look like I'm going to throw you in the Sparta pit like the other 37 people that have called a code blue or said anything about me being a sadist..." Boss started off with a cheerful tone but it got scarier towards the end.

"Oh yeah! One more thing... Tobi is to be a good boy or I will kill Tobi... understand?" Boss whispered sounding very threatening while still managing to sound happy.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cried out. "Deidara-sempai save me!"

"Get off me, un!" Deidara shouted while trying to push Tobi off of him and failing. Badly.

"Good. I don't want blood stains in my carpet... it cost me a lot. Ja Ne!" And with that, Boss disappeared. Of course, she was never there in the first place and no one knew what she looked like but her presence wasn't felt in the room anymore.

_I hope you liked it! If I get enough reviews or people in general just liking it I will upload another chapter. I am honestly not sure whether or not to continue this as it is my first time writing a story that goes past 1000 words (lame I know.) I'm more for reading than writing but if you guys want me to continue by all means I will try. Ja ne! _

_~Ika-Sophie~_


	2. They're alive?

**Sorry! I can't believe I was such a baka, not writing for so long! *Sigh* I got stuck with my family on holiday for a while and I was without my laptop, and sometimes wifi. I started losing it because I couldn't handle being around people for that long not to mention it was way to warm. I shut myself inside all the time and only came out on the evenings with the exception of the first day when I went to the beach. (I found out I have something like aspergers... so yeah.) Enough about me, let's get on with the story. I will tell you, this probably isn't what you think it is. Insert devious smirk here.**

Sophie's P.O.V

I walked down the stone path, looking sadly at the large oak tree to the left of the house. That was my place, where I could forget everything and just paint. I sighed warily and plonked myself down while my left hand grasped my paintbrush I had brought out from my pocket. I flipped through my waterproof notebook I had left in a box next to the tree.

Boss' P.O.V

"OK WHO WROTE THIS CRAP!?" I politely inquired, holding chapter 1 in my hand.

"W-what's wrong miss?" Akise asked, slightly cowering from my beauty.

"WHAT'S WRONG!? HAVE YOU READ THIS!? IT'S TERRIBLE! IT LOOKS LIKE IT HAS BEEN WRITEN BY A DRUNK 11 YEAR OLD!" I gracefully answered his question.

"S-sorry miss b-but my writing skills aren't the best and no one else would do it!" Akise cried out.

"I give you one job..." I grumbled, sitting with my back to him in the emo corner.

"S-sorry miss... I will give chapter 2 to Mary! JUST PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" He screamed out while running at speeds even Minato would find hard to keep up with.

"What's his problem?" I wondered while writing in my Death Note.

Sophie's P.O.V

I blinked. Was I really seeing this? Right above my head a neon sign with 'YOU ARE A WINNER' was flying about madly. 'Huh. That is something you don't see every day.' I proceeded to ignore it and just get back to my painting.

"Woah woah woah! You did not just look away!" A voice came out of the sign, it sounded like an Australian boy, around 19ish.

"I believe I did, actually." I replied nonchalantly, not looking up from my art.

If it was possible, the sign looked like it was scowling down on me. Not that I was bothered though. Nothing distracts me from my art.

"Your parents aren't dead!"

Well there is always a first time. But what did he mean by that? Was I perhaps imagining this because I was hoping it would be a happy ending?

"Look. Your parents aren't dead, my Boss just sent them to another dimension. We hypnotised the world into believing they are."

"Who is this boss? And how did she do such a thing?" I asked coldly. It was as if the air around me went down a few degrees.

"Boss is nobody, and has never been. She has the powers of a God and yet remains unseen." The sign replied, not really answering my question the way I wanted. I decided to ask another question instead of pursuing an answer I would never get.

"What do you want with me? I hardly imagine you would do all of this for no reason." He shifted under my glare, I probably looked murderous.

"Boss ordered me and the others to write a terrible fanfiction for the hell of it. It's one of those Akatsuki kitten ones if you are wondering." The sign chuckled weakly, turning into a kangaroo.

"Others? Wait... OH HELL NO I AIN'T GONNA BE A MARY SUE! YOU GIVE ME A HALF ASSED BACKGROUND STORY AND F***ING RED EYES FOR AMUSMENT? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO F*** UP OTHERS LIFES? AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU A KANGAROO? ...That actually makes some sense in a twisted sort of way... I wonder what you would taste like?" Getting freaked out by my train of thoughts, the sign-kangaroo decided to distract me.

"Don't worry this will not be a my immortal type of fanfiction. You might be Maryish but you will be unlike any other that Boss has seen. And to answer your first question, Boss has many minions as she likes to call us. The pay is pretty good if you are willing to risk losing your life. He started muttering absently while glaring at a particularly bad bruise on his shoulder that I had no possible way of seeing because he was a kangaroo.

And in a flash of bright light, I discovered a box in front of me, and no kangaroo-boy.

"...That has to be my weirdest experience ever." I spoke to myself quietly in sign language for the hell of it.

I sighed, and went to open the box when I saw a note.

'Don't worry, we will get the clothes and stuff _if _they ever turn back into humans.

P.S You and the other chick we can't remember the name of right now are not bipolar. The guy who wrote that chapter died by a heart attack and we now have Mary working on the case. Your mood swings have no logical cause to them at all, we just decided to do it for the kicks.

P.P.S We hypnotised the nurse to give a crappy whatever-you-call-it and it was hilarious that nobody commented on how terrible it was.

P.P.P.S You've both got something going on there, no idea what it is, nor do I care.'

"How sweet." I muttered sarcastically, fully aware of the italics on 'if'.

On opening the box, not only did I show surprise, I made sure to back away a bit. That Kanga guy didn't say what genre this is and he could definitely kill me off if he wished. Inside the box was 10 cute looking kittens with most looking like they had eaten the sourest lemon on earth. The one I assumed to be Hidan was gagged and tied up. While the Tobi-cat looked like he was sulking in the corner.

"VOLDFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!" I screamed, earning a mixture of weirded out and annoyed glances.

"Damn, you guys couldn't understand me. Makes sense that you would speak Japanese." I spoke quietly... in Japanese.

For that I earned quite a few wide eyed looks and meows.

"Just because you can understand me doesn't mean I can understand you, you adorable bastards." I cooed, fully intent of annoying the hell of them despite the risk they posed. And with that, I walked back to the house, telling them stories of my epic battles with cooking.


	3. Jashin enters

**I'm back! (Thanks to Shuri Kuran** **and her awesome reviews.) I wanted to start writing as soon as I saw the reviews, but alas, school came first. **

**I think I'm gonna have fun traumatising Amy. She doesn't really have the right mindset for this stuff. I hope you guys enjoy this! **

**P.S. This fic gives me an excuse to write badly. LOL.**

**P.S.S This is in someone's community.**

**P.S.S.S That makes me happy.**

**P.S.S.S.S I hate you all.**

**P.S.S.S.S.S I am a lying liar who lies. **

**P.S.S.S.S.S.S That was a lie.**

Amy's P.O.V

"...Those kittens aren't really kittens are they? And since when did you speak Japanese?" I was curled up in the fetal position rocking myself back and forth.

"Since 5 minutes ago. Some random sign guy gave me the cats. And according to him, these cats are the You-Know-Who's of the ninjaverse."

"How do you know it's not a prank? He could have spray-painted them!" I was losing my cool now. It was difficult to breathe.

Was.

That was until some random dude with a frog head appeared. Then I fainted.

Sophie's P.O.V

"Yo yo yo! Wazzup ma man? 'Names DJ Flappers and don't ya forget it!"

I blinked at the sight and decided to play along.

"Nuttin much. Just chillin' bro. 'Names Sophie."

"Nice ta meetcha ma man! Boss gave me an inhaler for the gal down there."

He gave me the inhaler and disappeared in a burst of gummy bears.

"Forgot this." He muttered and in a flash of light, a kittens paradise would be found.

There was 20 different saucers with food and water, and on the left of my once spare bedroom stood a giant kitty castle with beds and scratching posts inside. It looked very comfy too.

"Damn." I whistled.

I put down the box that held the kittens in and all was chaos.

Narrator's P.O.V

Tobi was dragging Deidara along with him to explore the mansion, but Deidara was clinging onto Sasori so tightly that he ended up coming along as well.

Pein and Konan were curious too, but decided to let the others have fun and settled for setting out rooms for everyone.

Zetsu was meowing to himself, earning a few chuckles from Sophie, who was taking Amy to her bedroom so she could rest.

Itachi and Kisame were sitting at the side of the room, talking to each other it seemed.

Kakuzu was calculating how much all the food would have cost while restraining Hidan from eating. Leading to a fight. Of course.

Boss' P.O.V 

"Why does the writing style change so much every chapter?" I asked my assistant, Darcy.

"People keep dying so others have to take over for them Boss."

"...I see. And when does Jashin come round?"

"Ten earth seconds Boss."

"Yo! How are you doing Misses B?"

"Jashin don't call me that. I'm only a few hundred years old. I'm not doing too well though. All my minions keep dying and my project isn't coming along very well."

"Hidan-chan is ok isn't he?!" Jashin asked, like a worried mother.

"Yes he is fine. Why are you so worried?" Darcy asked, looking up from her/his? work.

"Hidan is my best priest. Sacrifices and prayers keep a God alive. Since a lot of my temples were destroyed, he became my main lifeline. Besides, I talk to him a lot." Jashin explained, while wondering what gender Darcy was.

Darcy looked like either an effeminate guy or a tomboyish girl. Even Boss didn't know Darcy's gender. She tended to be called a girl and didn't seem to really care. If anything, it amused her.

"That's nice." Darcy went back to her work leaving a confused God and his opposite to talk.

"I've been thinking-"

"That's new." In return Boss got a scowl.

"I've been thinking and I think I'd like to try make my own fanfiction."

"Jashin... that could end badly."

"Like your mom's pregnancy?"

"OOOH BURN!" Shouted some soon-to-be-dead guys at the back of the room.

"You know what I mean. Messing with another world's time stream doesn't end well."

"I'll borrow your multi-dimensional computer then."

"What makes you think I'll let you?"

"I have cookies."

"Deal."

"Hell yeah!" Just as Jashin was about to leave I decided to leave him some of my wisdom.

"By the way, my mother isn't pregnant and hasn't been since she gave birth to me. The way you said your insult made it seem like you were talking about my non-existent sibling. That or I am still in my mother's womb. I seriously doubt I am."

Before Jashin could say anything, he was teleported back to his realm.

"Heh. Who's the Boss?"

"You're the Boss." Replied my minions. Sometimes I wondered why I hated them so much.

"You're also a ******** mother of **** with a ***** bucket of ***** and a whole bathtub full ****** chicken ****** in a tower far, far away *** *** danger ****** pie." Continued the same people who had declared my non-existent burn.

"Time to die."

The tortured screams could be heard by stormtroopers in a galaxy far, far away.


	4. Jashin Omake

**It was my and a friend's birthday so I hadn't been able to update for a bit. Sorry for that.**

**Last chapter was mostly a filler arc to put things into place. I didn't really want to put up a giant chapter for that, so I decided to keep it small. Sorry for those who thought that it would be longer! If I get any questions, I will answer them, unless they're spoilers. **

**There are a lot of references in Akatsukitty, some of them being my immortal references. My immortal is a harry potter fanfiction known for its horrible plot and grammar. Just in case you didn't know.**

**This chapter is short, but to make up for it I will try to make the next chapter longer. Hopefully that will be ok with you guys.**

**P.S. Jashin has an obsession over Hidan. Not even the author knows if its yaoi.**

**P.P.S I hope I haven't deterred any readers by using weeaboo no jutsu. Sorry!**

**Shuri Kuran: You are correct, each chapter is similar. There are subtle hints that they are different, but not that many. All of Boss' workers where made from a part of Boss and when they die Boss gets that part back, like a shadow clone. So they are the same people, just with different personalities and appearances. Meaning, their work will be almost the same, but not quite. Also, Boss is known for her/his/its ability to pick up things not many would notice. Yes I am going to write the fanfiction; that is this chapter. I'm going to have fun. I was originally planning to be Boss, but that would take some of my fun away. They may or may not make references to me as a supreme being, but only if it fits in. Oh and Jashin is more of a innuendo making guy, though around Boss he tends to be blunt.**

Jashin's Fanfiction

Jashin was sitting in his throne, pondering what horrible destruction he would cause today, when he felt a disturbance in the force. Another Mary-Sue was after Hidan. He had to save his precious!

"Wait for thee! Your gallant knight shall rescue you!"

Jashin grabbed his flowing black cape and teleported with his awesome.

Right after Hidan was ambushed by the horrible thing known as a *shudder* _fangirl_.

"Hidan-sama! OMG I can't believe it's you! Now I can join the akatsuki and kill that bleeping beep Shikamaru! Then I'll have your babies and then-"

"Not even worth beeping sacrificing. Seriously what is up with these beeping fangirls?" Hidan enquired, looking at Kakuzu with jealousy.

"You hardly get any of the beepers!"

"Shut up Hidan. I had to deal with 7 this month. Not that I'm complaining. The money I made from selling those music devices was enough to pay for Tobi's candy debt."

Jashin chose this moment to step in.

"Hidan-chan are you okay!?"

And landed right on top of Kakuzu. Making ryo fly out of Kakuzu's pockets. If Jashin wasn't a god, he probably would have thought he was going to die.

"_What do you think you are doing to my money?" _Kakuzu growled, pushing Jashin off of him and bending down to get his oxygen. If it was possible, Kakuzu would probably breathe cash.

"SorryaboutthatIwasjustleaving!" Jashin was already in the other direction, running far, far away from the miser. Leaving Hidan confused and upset.

"J-Jashin-sama?" He cried out, in what would be an OOC moment, but Kakuzu had been carrying needles to sell on the black market. That particular needle held a fast working drug that made someone angsty. That particular needle happened to have flown out of Kakuzu's pockets with his ryo. That particular needle happened to have been grabbed by the Mary-Sue, who thinking that it would make Hidan love her, had injected it into his arm. Not what Kakuzu wanted to deal with.

"JASHIN-SAMA!"

Yes, definitely not what he wanted to deal with at all.


End file.
